i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
