its not stalking. its research.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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