Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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