I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
