Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
