Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
