Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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