dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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