Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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