So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If I die, sorry about rent.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
