White coat. Heels.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
