Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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