Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
