I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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