you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
