you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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