I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
