Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
