I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
