Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Just pee around me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
