I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
where does the pee come out of this thing
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
