you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
