His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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