At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
