His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
