no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
