i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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