Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
