He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
