I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
