i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
