oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Green mimosas i think yes
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
