yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize