I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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