Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
