He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
