I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
