Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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