So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The best revenge is premature balding
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
