A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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