Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's just like the Real World with babies
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize