Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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