So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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