Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
