I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
