wake up i wanna do it froggy style
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
