the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's never too late to be topless.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
