his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
