she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
