Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
