I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
