I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
