Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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