Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
