shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
