Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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