I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
