To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
