i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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