so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
