Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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