Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
