Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
