fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
