i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
