So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
