my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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