i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
