Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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