Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
